buffymusical.com - Buffy the Musical "Once More, With Feeling"
     

Episode #107
Analysis of the musical
Soundtrack CD
Lyrics / Synopsis
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Act I Next  
 
ACT II
SCENE 1
      XANDER'S APARTMENT - MORNING

                                  ANYA is sitting at the KITCHEN
                                  TABLE, reading the NEWSPAPER.
                                  XANDER enters. Both are in their
                                  sleepwear.

                        ANYA
           Hey, baby. You don't have to go to work?

                        XANDER
           Nah, I shut the crew down for the day. My guys
           started dancing around me, I don't know if I
           can deal. It's a flab thing. So... waffles?

                        ANYA
           Will you still make me waffles when we're
           married?

                        XANDER
           No, I'll only make them for myself but by
           California law, you will own half of them.
                       (kisses her on the cheek)
           Hey, how about omelets? You know, I can do an
           omelet. I've almost got that pan flipping thing
           down...

                                  ANYA spins in her chair to address
                                  the audience.
      "I'LL NEVER TELL"

                        ANYA
      THIS IS THE MAN THAT I PLAN TO ENTANGLE
      ISN'T HE FINE?
      MY CLAIM TO FAME WAS TO MAIM AND TO MANGLE
      VENGEANCE WAS MINE
      BUT I'M OUT OF THE BIZ
      THE NAME I MADE I'LL TRADE FOR HIS
      THE ONLY TROUBLE IS...
      I'LL NEVER TELL

                        XANDER
      SHE IS THE ONE, SHE'S SUCH WONDERFUL FUN,
      SUCH PASSION AND GRACE
      WARM IN THE NIGHT
      WHEN I'M RIGHT IN HER TIGHT --
      EMBRACE! TIGHT EMBRACE!
      I'LL NEVER LET HER GO
      THE LOVE WE'VE KNOWN CAN ONLY GROW
      THERE'S JUST ONE THING THAT --
      NO. I'LL NEVER TELL

                        XANDER & ANYA
      'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL

                        ANYA
      HE SNORES

                        XANDER
      SHE WHEEZES

                        ANYA
      SAY "HOUSEWORK" AND HE FREEZES

                        XANDER
                       (holding up some skeezy cheese)
      SHE EATS THESE SKEEZY CHEESES
      THAT I CAN'T DESCRIBE

                        ANYA
      I TALK, HE BREEZES

                        XANDER
      SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT "PLEASE" IS

                        ANYA
      HIS PENIS GOT DISEASES
      FROM A CHUMASH TRIBE

                        XANDER & ANYA
      THE VIBE GETS KIND OF SCARY

                        XANDER
      LIKE SHE THINKS I'M ORDINARY

                        ANYA
      LIKE IT'S ALL JUST TEMPORARY

                        XANDER
      LIKE HER TOES ARE KIND OF HAIRY

                        XANDER & ANYA
      BUT IT'S ALL VERY WELL
      'CAUSE GOD KNOWS I'LL NEVER TELL

                                  XANDER picks up the newspaper and
                                  holds it up in front of his face.

                        ANYA
      WHEN THINGS GET ROUGH HE
      JUST HIDES BEHIND HIS BUFFY
      NOW LOOK HE'S GETTIN' HUFFY
      'CAUSE HE KNOWS THAT I KNOW

                        XANDER
                       (lowers newspaper)
      SHE CLINGS, SHE'S NEEDY
      SHE'S ALSO REALLY GREEDY
      SHE NEVER --

                        ANYA
                       (stepping in front of Xander)
      HIS EYES ARE BEADY!

                        XANDER
      THIS IS MY VERSE! HELLO?
      SHE --

                                  ANYA starts dancing crazy to
                                  upstage him.

                        ANYA
                       (spoken)
           Look at me! I'm dancing crazy!

                                  XANDER watches her for a moment,
                                  then joins in. They dance around
                                  the apartment during the musical
                                  break, then things slow down.

                        XANDER & ANYA
      YOU KNOW...

                        XANDER
      YOU'RE QUITE THE CHARMER

                        ANYA
      MY KNIGHT IN ARMOR

                        XANDER
      YOU'RE THE CUTEST OF THE SCOOBIES
      WITH YOUR LIPS AS RED AS RUBIES
      AND YOUR FIRM YET SUPPLE --
      TIGHT EMBRACE!

                                  They sit at opposite ends of the
                                  kitchen table.

                        ANYA
      HE'S SWELL

                        XANDER
      SHE'S SWELLER

                        ANYA
      HE'LL ALWAYS BE MY FELLA

                        XANDER
      THAT'S WHY I'LL NEVER TELL HER
      THAT I'M PETRIFIED

                        ANYA
      I'VE READ THIS TALE
      THERE'S WEDDING THEN BETRAYAL
      I KNOW THERE'LL COME THE DAY
      I'LL WANT TO RUN AND HIDE

                                  They both climb onto the table and
                                  crawl across toward each other.

                        XANDER & ANYA
      I LIED, I SAID IT'S EASY
      I'VE TRIED
                       (They meet in the middle and sing cheek to
                        cheek)
      BUT THERE'S THESE FEARS I CAN'T QUELL

                                  They turn to sit back to back.

                        XANDER
      IS SHE LOOKING FOR A POT OF GOLD?

                        ANYA
      WILL I LOOK GOOD WHEN I'VE GOTTEN OLD?

                        XANDER
      WILL OUR LIVES BECOME TOO STRESSFUL
      IF I'M NEVER THAT SUCCESSFUL?

                                  ANYA jumps down from the table,
                                  followed by XANDER

                        ANYA
      WHEN I GET SO WORN AND WRINKLY
      THAT I LOOK LIKE DAVID BRINKLEY?

                        XANDER
      AM I CRAZY?

                        ANYA
      AM I DREAMIN'?

                        XANDER
      AM I MARRYING A DEMON?

                                  They join hands, and dance.

                        XANDER & ANYA
      WE COULD REALLY RAISE THE BEAM
      IN MAKING MARRIAGE A HELL!

                                  XANDER dips ANYA.

                        XANDER & ANYA (cont'd)
      SO THANK GOD I'LL NEVER TELL
      I SWEAR THAT I'LL NEVER TELL

                                  They begin moving toward the COUCH

                        XANDER
                       (mimes locking his lips with a key)
      MY LIPS ARE SEALED

                        ANYA
                       (raises her right hand)
      I TAKE THE FIFTH

                        XANDER
                       (motioning to audience)
      NOTHIN' TO SEE
      MOVE IT ALONG

                        XANDER & ANYA
      I'LL NEVER... TELL!

                                  They fall together onto the COUCH,
                                  laughing too cheerfully to be
                                  true.
SCENE 2
      WILLOW AND TARA'S BEDROOM

                                  WILLOW lays in BED, just waking
                                  up. TARA enters with her toiletry
                                  bag having just come back from
                                  brushing her teeth.

                        TARA
           Bad dreams, Baby?

                        WILLOW
           Huh?

                        TARA
           All that tossing and turning. I felt like I was
           wrestling with you all night... and not in the
           fun way.

                        WILLOW
           Oh, yeah...
                       (points to her head)
           It was just a bit noisy up here.

                        TARA
                       (sits on the bed)
           You're still worried about Buffy...

                        WILLOW
                       (unconvincing)
           Worried? No... no, she's fine. It's all good.

                        TARA
           Hey, Will, this is me. It doesn't all have to
           be "good" and "fine." If you're worried you can
           be worried.

                        WILLOW
                       (she sits up)
           Well, I'm not... unworried.
           I mean, what she went through was...intense.
           That's gotta change you.

                                  TARA smiles and gives WILLOW a
                                  hug.

                        WILLOW (cont'd)
           Tara?

                        TARA
           Yeah?

                        WILLOW
           If she is alright...wouldn't you think she'd
           be...happier? Like, wouldn't you think she
           would be so happy that we brought her out?

                        TARA
           Sure she is...
                       (She can tell what WILLOW'S thinking)
           You thought she'd say thanks. Be more grateful.

                        WILLOW
           Would I be a terrible person if I said "yes"?

                        TARA
           Give her time. She'll get there.

                        WILLOW
           Right. No need to be in a big furry hurry.

                        TARA
           Exactly. I'm sure it's okay.

                        WILLOW
           Yeah, it's fine... Everything's fine.

                        TARA
           Hey, look on the bright side; at least you
           didn't break out in song.
[more... ends with Willow improvising a 
song badly]
SCENE 3
      SUNNYDALE STREET - DAY

                                  PEDESTRIANS continually walk
                                  through the scene.

                                  They buy a hotdog from a Can-Can
                                  dancing HOT DOG VENDOR (lifting
                                  his apron as a skirt) then sit on
                                  a PARK BENCH. OR sit at an outdoor
                                  cafe while a waiter dances over to
                                  deliver food.

                        XANDER
           It's a nightmare! It's a plague! It's a
           nightmare about a plague!

                        ANYA
           It's like we're being watched. Like there was a
           wall missing from our apartment.

                        XANDER
           I didn't want to be saying things but they just
           kept pouring out!

                        ANYA
           Like there were only three walls and not a
           fourth wall and my toes aren't hairy!

                        XANDER
           And they rhymed and they were mean and my eyes
           are not beady! Giles, you gotta stop it.

                        GILES
           Well, I'm looking into some leads and I-I --

                        ANYA
           Plus, clearly our number is a retro pastiche
           that's never going to be a breakaway pop hit.

                        XANDER
           Work with me, British man. Give me an axe and
           show me where to point it.

                        GILES
           As ever, it's not quite that simple. But I have
           learned about some disturbing things.
           Basically...
"THE PARKING TICKET" WOMAN (O.S.) (overlapping) I'VE BEEN HAVING A BAD, BAD DAY C'MON WON'T YOU PUT THAT PAD AWAY? A PARKING INSPECTOR enters DSL and walks across the front of the stage. A second later a distressed WOMAN holding a parking ticket follows him. WOMAN (cont'd) I'M ASKING YOU, PLEASE, NO! The WOMAN catches up to the PARKING INSPECTOR and grabs him by the arm. He stops and looks around at her, unimpressed. WOMAN (cont'd) IT ISN'T RIGHT, IT ISN'T FAIR THERE WAS NO PARKING ANYWHERE I THINK THAT HYDRANT WASN'T THERE The PARKING INSPECTOR turns away and continues across the stage, the WOMAN follows. WOMAN (cont'd) WHY CAN'T YOU LET IT GO? I THINK I'VE PAID MORE THAN MY SHARE The PARKING INSPECTOR and WOMAN exit. WOMAN (O.S.) (cont'd) I'M JUST A POOR GIRL, DON'T YOU CARE? HEY, I'M NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR... XANDER (overlapping) ...as in burnt up? Somebody set people on fire? That's nuts! ANYA I don't know. One more verse of our little ditty and I would have been looking for a gas can. 3 STREET SWEEPERS enter US, dancing to "BROOM DANCE". GILES Well, clearly emotions are running high, but as far as I can tell, these people burned up from the inside, they spontaneously combusted. I've only seen the one. I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias. XANDER Okay. But we're sure that the things are related... the singing and dancing and burning and dying? GILES We're not sure of much. Buffy's looking for leads at local demon haunts. At least in theory she is but she doesn't seem to... XANDER She's easing back into it. We pulled her out of an untold hell dimension... ergo the weirdness. The important thing is to be there for her. GILES I'm helping her as much as I can but... They continue slowly offstage. GILES gently shaking his head, while ANYA awkwardly pats him on back, trying to comfort him. The STREET SWEEPERS continue their dance to the end of "BROOM DANCE", striking a pose on the last note. BLACKOUT
SCENE 4
      DAWN'S ROOM - NIGHT

                                  DAWN empties her schoolbag onto
                                  the bed, just as TARA enters with
                                  a plate of cookies.

                        TARA
                       (putting them on the dresser)
           I bought you some cookies.

                        DAWN
           Thanks.

                        TARA
           Lot of homework?

                        DAWN
           Math. It seemed cooler when we were singing
           about it.

                        TARA
           Willow said they have a lead on the whole
           musical extravaganza evil. This demon that can
           be summoned -- some sort of lord of the
           dance.... Oh, but not the scary one. Just a
           demon.

                        DAWN
           Um...do they know who summoned it?

                        TARA
           They don't even know its name yet, but Willow
           will find out. She's a brainy type.

                        DAWN
           I'm glad you guys made up.

                        TARA
           What?

                        DAWN
           That fight you guys had about Willow doing too
           much magic and stuff? It gives me belly
           rumblings when you guys fight.

                        TARA
           Dawn, Willow and I never fought about --

                        DAWN
           It's okay. It's just you guys are so great
           together.

                                  TARA now looks troubled. Her hand
                                  moves up to her necklace.

                        DAWN (cont'd)
           I just hate it when you... But that was the
           only fight I've seen you guys have anyway.

                                  TARA runs her fingers gently
                                  around the necklace. She is
                                  putting two and two together.

                        DAWN (cont'd)
           But I'm still glad it's over.

                        TARA
           Dawn, I, um.... There's something I need at the
           shop. Will you be okay for a little while?

                        DAWN
           Yes, the fifteen-year-old can spend half an
           hour alone in her locked house.

                        TARA
           I - I won't be gone long.

                                  TARA exits. DAWN stretches her
                                  neck looking to make sure TARA has
                                  gone, then eagerly pulls the
                                  TALISMAN she stole from the Magic
                                  Shop out of her pocket.

                                  She sits down on the bed, studying
                                  it.
      "DAWN'S LAMENT"

                        DAWN
      DOES ANYBODY EVEN NOTICE?

                                  PUPPET 1, who has been hiding
                                  behind the bed, slowly rises to
                                  his full height, right behind her.

                                  She stands and takes a few step DS
                                  as she puts the TALISMAN on.

                                  PUPPET 1 moves around the bed,
                                  right up behind her.

                        DAWN (cont'd)
      DOES ANYBODY EVEN CARE?

                                  DAWN begins to turn back around
                                  and the PUPPET grabs her. DAWN
                                  screams.

                                  Suddenly PUPPET 2 and PUPPET 3,
                                  holding a large bag enter from
                                  opposite sides of the stage and
                                  the three of them force her into
                                  the bag.

                                                          BLACKOUT
Act I ^Top Next
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